I am in panic/depressed/suicidal mode. All I could think of is I need to find an out from this. I concentrate on running away. I know what’s gonna happen. I know for sure that I am not gonna get that job in Samsung but what do I do? I planned nothing but to show up for the exam over there without thinking about where I’m gonna stay, or what I’m gonna eat. it is frustrating to say the least. I hate it when I’m just nothing but a walking useless shit!
I need to clean this life of mine. What can I really do? and what do I wish for?
I am bankrupt. I have 500 bucks in my bank account. Pure shit! I have debts to my Ate. more than 500 dollars. I fucking hate my life! I want to commit suicide because of this and NOT commit suicide because of this. FUUUUUCK! To make it short I have huge money problems which stops me from going back to that money sucking Manila.
I need to save money while I’m here in Davao. I need to find a job that would bring in the money. Because it is a necessity. The coward in me is stopping me from doing this shit. Also, because I am fucking hanging in that hope that I might be able to get that job in Samsung!
I really do wish to get that Samsung job. It pays well enough to allow me to stay in a small place alone. That’s also another thing that stops me from going to Manila. I just can’t live with other people. I mess things up. A perfectly “okay” situation will be ruined in my head and eventually ruin everything.
I need to plan this shit and follow through. FUUUUUUUUUCK. I am so scared. What if I finally find the courage to end my life.